Connection – with home and a higher power

Greetings from your favorite psychiatric emergency!

As I write this I’m finishing off a 4 x 4 square of chocolate fudge made by one of the cooks in food service.  We have some very talented people in our building.  I find myself surrounded by the most creative, innovative, imaginative people in all of my experience.  (of course, that’s also what got us here)

So far we I’ve settled in and am eating well and exercising on a somewhat regular routine.  I’m down to a svelte little 217 pounds and hope to get to 200 after Christmas.  I’ve never eaten three meals a day at the same times steadily.  My old habit of coffee and donuts for breakfast then no lunch and then enough for a family of four after work is gone. I actually get hungry before each meal time.

There’s enough to do if you look for it.  With the short time I’m to be here, I’m staying away from all the “fun” stuff.  I think if my sentence were a long one, I would be more vulnerable to smoking, drinking and drugging.  I met another second time offender since I last wrote making it four to date and I’m not even started on my scientific poll yet.  That scares the shit out of me more than anything or anyone in here.  Nice addiction, huh?

I think the biggest contribution to my mental stability here has been maintaining deep daily spiritual connection. I strongly believe you can’t get beyond step 3 without some kind of spiritual connection. I’ve had lots of time to read not only my bible but other books, one of which is called Super Brain.  I forgot to write down the authors.  It may have been in the library under science not religion.  Anyway, good book.  It also emphasizes a spiritual connection for brain health.

Emotionally, I was more needy before I got my first visit from my wife and brother and once I got some letters from them and from you guys.  I think it is important to write a new prisoner in the first three months to build some emotional foundation. I was feeling very resentful because at first no one wrote to me.  After a month my daughter wrote then my brother then you and my friends began to write.  When you get that emotional support built up and get your first visit then you calm down.  Now I’m comfortable. I call home twice a week and they are only 60 miles away so it doesn’t keep me being a needy emotional monster.

I don’t get anxious like before and begin to feel cut left out. I do get pissy at times and think – “What the fuck, I asked you to send me one simple name and address from my desk and it takes you three weeks! Poor fucking busy schedule, I’m in PRISON HERE!”  I’m over that now.


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